- To change that job,
- To start that business,
- To go to, or back to school,
- to make a relationship change,
- to dream that dream,
- to live the life, you once dreamed of???
Never!
Read on to find out how you can start the process of moving towards to life you always dreamed of, the one that is possible.
If you are reading this blog, and you are actually breathing while doing so, there is hope and opportunity for change within.
Many of us have unfulfilled dreams and desires. We might have started out a long time ago with a bold list or images about how life was going to be. Then, what happened…. As they say, “life is what happens when you are busy making other plans” (Allen Saunders). Responsibilities, commitments, choices!! Somewhere in the midst of school, work, family, relationships, we spent time addressing the needs that require our immediate attention and getting through the tasks at hand. Much of these life events are positive and the “stuff” a life is made of.
What happens many times as we are moving along is that we experience setbacks or obstacles as we try to move towards our future. These can take the form of rejections, loss of several varieties, or things simply not working out the way we had hoped, (even if planned). These obstacles can weigh very heavy and can sometimes shape our lives forever in a way that does not serve us. If we never learned the skills around being resilient or learning how to deal with adversity, fear of future risks and growth become our modus operandi (MO).
In this day and age, we hear a lot about Mindset. A thorough discussion about Mindset could be an entire blog. Carol S. Dweck, in her groundbreaking book about the subject, states simply that “The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you live your life”. The view about yourself and meaning you place on life events.
As a coach and practitioner, I talk A LOT about beliefs and perspectives (Am I right?). From the viewpoint of assessing beliefs, there is much to learn about how an individual interacts with their world: how are mistakes/rejection viewed, do they play things safe, take risks, do they continue on in unsatisfying relationships or careers?
This list is endless, just fill in the blanks – “it’s too late for me to…………”
[bctt tweet=”“Life’s’ events are not the reason we are afraid to try again – our beliefs about those events are” (Jean Mccutcheon)” via=”no”]
I’m not simply talking about repeating positive affirmations about any given subject (although one could argue a case for this) – I’m talking about taking a good hard look at your belief system around the “why” voice of something not being possible.
Here are some common “why it’s too late for me” beliefs
- I’m too old
- I might fail
- I don’t have enough money
- I don’t have the skills/education needed
- I don’t have the energy anymore
- It’s really scary
- I don’t want to rock the boat with my family and friends
Sound familiar?
The bottom line is, some or all of those things might be true!
We all have rationales that stop us from pursuing goals and dreams. However, when you don’t explore and reality test some of these reasons, you rob yourself of even the smallest chance for positive change. Your awareness and choice around your beliefs are what will keep you stuck in the same place, or conversely, will help advance you forward in a more positive direction.
If you have been considering a change or harboring a secret unfulfilled dream, read on….
Here are some steps to help move you forward and start to make things happen in your life today.
(Grab a journal and pen)
1. Identify the change/dream – This may seem obvious but in fact, many times we bury our true desires from ourselves because the pain of acknowledging it, and not having it, can be too much. So, brainstorm – think about the things you dreamed when you were younger or even just yesterday. Put down on paper all the thoughts that swim around in your head all day long about “I would love this”, or “wouldn’t it be great if I could do that” ….it might come easily or might take some exploring – have fun.
2. Identify the “why it hasn’t happened” story – list the reasons why this has not happened to date and why you believe it is not possible. You can use my list above as a starting point or create your own. As a general rule, I do not usually focus on the negative but I think it is a valuable exercise to name the obstructions and become clear on the story or narrative you believe about your experience. It is more difficult to conquer an unknown enemy! In this case, belief.
3. Question the beliefs –The next step is to ask and answer the following questions:
- What is the truth around this belief?
- What supports my belief?
- What belief or perspectives would need to be challenged to make my change or dream a reality?
4. “What if anything was possible” mindset….”
Here, if you were to cast aside the obstacles, what would this dream look like? Really use your imagination here!
Describe in full detail how you and your life would look if the desired dream/change would be a reality. This part is the most important part of the exercise so don’t skimp on the description! The important part is to really feel, with emotion, what it would feel like to be living fully in this dream.
Here is an example of what the exercise might look like:
1. The dream: I want to open my own interior design store that specializes in creating beautiful professional interior spaces.
2. Why not possible and too late – this dream is not possible because I am almost 50 and have spent the past 25 years working in a different industry. Also, much of my spare time has been devoted to my family whom I love very much. It’s too late because I don’t think I have the necessary skills and not sure I even have the energy anymore.
3. What’s true about these beliefs –
- Almost 50 – Well, I’m 49 to be honest, and I know this true because I know when my birthday is! I could change the belief that being 49 doesn’t mean I cannot achieve anything else meaningful in my life.
- The same career – I have had a successful career that has not been in interior design, but I have weathered many ups and down. I am a fast learner and have been highly regarded in my field. I also have a lot of connections. I can make a list of all my skills and see where they might help me to be successful in my new venture.
- Home/family obligations –my kids are older and more self-reliant. They don’t really need me as much anymore. (please write a blog about this!) My husband is also pretty busy with other interests and activities and he might really support my new business.
- Lack of energy – This same job has been zapping me of my energy because I think I need something more creative and challenging. My energy might also improve if I exercised a little more and become more thoughtful about what I eat.
4. The anything possible Mindset – I will take the description of my dream and make a vision board, and/or sit every day for 10 minutes to visualize all that I can about my dream becoming a reality. I might also seek the help of a professional to help me look at my limiting beliefs and ways I can create new, more effective beliefs that reflect and support the changes I want to make.
Remember that your beliefs and perspectives have been with you for a while. Also, remember that only you can change what you want them to be. You have choice around what your story will be and if you take just a little time to follow the steps and exercise…
- Identify the change/dream
- Identify the “why it hasn’t happened” story
- Question the beliefs
- “What if anything was possible” mindset….?
you can create a narrative of hope and change in your life!
Truly, it is never too late! I hope you have enjoyed this blog about beliefs and what can be possible when you understand how they affect many aspects of how you live your life. I have a PDF for you, 11 Reasons Why It’s Never Too Late, click here to have it delivered to your inbox.
