Note: Excerpts from this article were featured on the popular lifestyle blog Livestrong.com.
A Happy New Year? It’s the time when we start thinking about the things we want to change and improve for the New Year to come.
It’s not the concept of improvement or the setting of goals, which might be problematic for some, (most) but rather the process we go about in seeking change.
Many of the common resolutions, although started with best intentions, fall away shortly leading to frustration and many times, giving up altogether.
Some of the more popular resolutions, not directed at diet or exercise might fall in the category of personal development: Better relationships, career goals, time management, or increasing social opportunities.
Goals are very important and in fact essential for our continued growth and fulfillment. However, when considering changes for this New Year, taking some cues from Positive Psychology and Mindfulness practices might make the difference in long-term success.
Instead of only having a focus on external goals and their benefits, a slight internal tune-up might prove to enhance longer lasting changes for the future.
Here are some simple tips that might help go a long way:
1. Start by making a list of what is good and right with your life. A little gratitude can go a long way. “Working from our strengths always produces better results in term of growth than trying to fix what’s wrong” Ask yourself, What went right in 2013?” What events have occurred in the past year that you experienced, overcame and perhaps learned from?” Make this list as long as possible!
• Was there a difficult situation at work or home that was resolved with success?
• Did some positive things happen that perhaps you are not giving yourself enough credit for? Accomplishments?
• What growth or changes have you made that you can be proud of?
2. Avoid absolutes, and rethink perspectives! The “fresh start“ concept of January 1st is just that: a concept – Its just a date like any other. In reality, for most of us, the flip of the calendar year from December 31st, to January 1st, does not mean major change in our lives at all. Our relationships, careers and living situations don’t drastically change.
Consider the continuum of your life. Think about how you might make smaller, more ‘chunked down” changes. Small changes done successfully over time can produce more significant positive change than starting something big and not being able to keep it up or maintain it over time. This is the slow and steady wins the race mentality. Just a change in perspective can sometimes help.
Small changes could be:
• Telling your partner or children you love them daily.
• Finding other small, but consistent ways to communicate your care and concern.
• Cleaning one closet a week!
• Networking with one new person or exploring one new career path a week
• Blocking out time on calendar, either weekly or other consistent time for getting together with friends – no more busy excuses
3. Being in the here and now
This is a big one! It is simple and profound. This is a mindfulness piece that would be helpful to consider in everyday life. Think about being fully present in the moments of your life.
“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life!”
Certainly, date specific goals are more meaningful than goals that are vague, but when our thoughts are always on a future date, we often miss the opportunity of NOW. The same is true when thoughts are about the past. Our present experiences are created by the many moments of the past that have added up to today’s circumstances. When we take the time to be mindful, we also learn to recognize and be more aware of faulty thinking that might interfere with the achievement of our goals.
There are many sources for mindfulness and present moment awareness learning. Expanding your growth and awareness on this level provides benefits that will add satisfaction to many levels of your life. A simple way to start is to simply take notice:
• Of this moment
• And this moment
• And this moment………
4. Event + Response = Outcome
This is the second part of the mindfulness piece. Our life is made up of a series of events. In the foundation of Positive Psychology and Mindfulness Psychology as well as many other theories, it is the meaning we make to events that will determine the outcome for us! As you think about the year ahead, and can sharpen your present moment awareness skills, you can quietly, without the fanfare of New Years’ Resolutions, make positive, impactful changes in your day to day life, which add up to present day happiness. “When we can create a space of pause between an event and our response to it, we empower ourselves create more positive outcomes.
Remember: Being less reactive creates more positive experiences in relationships, at work, and just about any situation you can thing of.
Some other quick thoughts as you get ready to make that list for change:
• Think in terms of what you want, not what you don’t want
• Create a vision board filled with images and words that reflect your desires
• Name things every day that you are grateful for in your life
• Make your moments with those you love meaningful by practicing being fully present when together. Put down the phone, turn the TV off, listen, and go outside!!
These ideas for New Years’ Resolutions are more from the inside out, which is where I believe most long lasting change comes from. Enjoy the process!
Happy New Year, day by day!!
Jean C. McCutcheon
Potentia ~ Professional Counseling and Coaching
