Another new year brings thoughts of what is ahead – areas where we can improve and goals we may want to achieve. We read often about resolutions and goal setting, yet are you wading through holiday clutter both physically and metaphorically – are you standing in your own way?
Many of us think of the New Year and January as a time of renewal and cleaning out…. Besides cleaning up the holiday scene, starting a detox from too much holiday cheer, we might consider other forms of “clutter” that we are bringing with us into the new year.
I’m speaking of mental clutter – Specifically, who and what are we continuing to carry along with us that might be weighing our journey down? (other words for clutter – disorder, chaos, confusion, muddled…)
A great short piece by Ryan Holiday from the Daily Stoic (The Airing of Grievances), makes reference to this very point. The concept of who and what we are blaming for our unhappiness and the reasons why we perhaps cannot succeed in this world. This hit me as profound and very true as the holidays tend to bring families together (for better or worse), and much of the latent thoughts, feelings, and grievances come closer to the surface, just from proximity alone.
I often discuss with my clients the concept of accountability and being responsible for their own behavior. When thinking about the new year ahead and how many of us are looking for ‘fresh starts’, I thought this was a topic worth exploring.
For starters, think of a physical space in your life that is cluttered or in need of cleaning out. Seriously, close your eyes and bring yourself to that space. Imagine it fully! If you are anything like me, you will feel an energy shift right away- your body might tense, feel heavy or bogged down. There might even be a feeling of overwhelm. Personally, I imagine that when I get my basement more cleaned-out and organized, that I will feel free and less encumbered. So, we might be aware these places exist, but for several, many times legitimate reasons, we don’t always address them in a timely fashion. However, the weighty feeling never really leaves…. It’s still there, in the sub-conscious.
If we take this same analogy and apply it to the thoughts about certain people or events in our lives, it can get more intense. From childhood, we gather…. Like the sticky fly paper, we collect the emotions and impacts from which people and life events might have had on us. Our minds are great thinking machines – like the physical cluttered space, we can all sit and ruminate about the people who (real or perceived) treated us in ways that didn’t feel good, or events that shaped our lives in very impactful ways. So, like the fly-paper, we attach these people and events to us and the list tends to get bigger as time goes on…. family, friends, significant others, bosses, co-workers, etc. you name it.
(This is not a conversation about dealing with past hurts and injuries – many blogs can be written about this and I want to make clear that events and injuries are real, can be very hurtful, and do have great meaning in our lives)
The point and question here are: how can we stand tall, and on our two feet when we are consciously or subconsciously, carrying all these burdens along with us?
How do you imagine any fresh starts when you continue to carry into the present moments of your life, issues from the past?
Like the clutter in the basement that is being ignored, when you are not addressing this issue in a meaningful or effective way, it is continuing to occupy space in your subconscious and is creating A LOT of extra weight and heaviness. This can affect your well- being and overall energy which impacts living your best possible life. And isn’t that the point – living our best possible lives?
Think of a computer or similar device– when you add a lot of programs or app’s you will eventually notice things starting to slow down a bit. The screen might look the same, but what’s running in the background of the operating system, (think-your brain), is what makes all the difference in overall processing of capacity, speed, efficiency, and effectiveness. For us human beings it could also affect clarity and energy levels.
My credo is that it is important to shed light on the shadows or blind spots. Whatever it takes to face the events, emotions, people, etc., is what you must do. To that end, it is also essential to stop the blame game. Remember always that it is not what happens to us that matters but the meaning we make about what happens! The choice is always ours to make. Those bad things might have happened, but this is your life now, and what you do with it, is completely up to you! So, let the choices truly be yours and not choices made from a faulty operating system that is bogged down with everything you have been carrying with you for years.
Think of your narrative. What’s your story? Isn’t it time move on from blaming your parents and/or anyone else for your current circumstances or lot in life? How can you stand tall when continuing to carry the weight of others with you?
I have had the privilege to coach and counsel many individuals in these situations. Clients who need help and guidance navigating how to create new narratives and increase self-reliance! If this sounds like something you or someone you know might benefit from, contact me to discuss how I might help.
So, hopefully, 2018 will be the year of you! The year of freedom from what is weighing you down. The year you decide to figure out what needs to be figured out, seen, acknowledged. The year you stand on your own two feet!
Learn more on the coaching and counseling services that I offer by clicking here. To begin your journey of self-awareness to empowerment contact me.
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