Discussing stress during the holidays seems cliché and over played. However, I cannot help but notice the major disconnect between the onslaught of messages (starting earlier every year) about Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and buying the perfect experience and the resultant stress building in everyone’s mind. How am I going to get everything done in the next few weeks and still try to actually enjoy the meaning of the holiday?
This blog is not about religious affiliation, but rather the general tone that often takes on a life of its own during the holiday season. We watch the commercials, see the decorations everywhere, and hear the music filling the air. Why aren’t we all happy and light? As wonderful as many moments of the holidays are, this time of year has a unique way of reaching deep in our souls and touching on some very sensitive nerves. There are painful memories, loved ones lost, and dreams unrealized. There can be financial burdens and the added stress of looking over the past year and feeling dissatisfied with what we accomplished.
To help people approach the holidays differently, I focus on expectations. Simply put, expectations are the strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. We all have them: of ourselves, others, and others towards us. Although they may seem unavoidable, expectations that consume us are a sure-fire recipe for unhappiness.
When we expect things to be a certain way, but they turn out differently, we suffer. We are afflicted by disappointment, anger, resentment, or sadness, and then we get stuck!
There are many ways we can fall prey to expectations over the holiday season. How many gifts do we need to buy? How many parties to attend? Shouldn’t we all be happy like the giddy people in the commercials running up and down the aisles filling their carts with amazing gifts for everyone? And how about work? What is expected of us during this season? When things don’t turn out the way we planned, we react. When we react, we are not operating in present moment awareness.
Have you ever considered what you really think about the December madness? If you are already feeling pressure, stop and ask yourself: where is this coming from? Whose expectation is it?
What would be different in your experience if some of these expectations didn’t exist?
Don’t forget the concept of choice and taking control of your own life.
For years, I have been slowly making the holidays more meaningful for my family and me. One year, I let go of the expectation that we had to be at home on Christmas morning and that it would be terrible if we didn’t keep the tradition. Well, we went away instead and had one of the most memorable holidays ever. This year, I am letting go of a few more expectations around holiday obligations and gift buying. I am paying close attention to my inner voice that knows when things are out of balance.
The idea is to really notice what might be causing stress or the feeling of pressure. Usually there are some expectations underneath it all. When you uncover this, you can ask yourself if the expectation is serving you or not. A good way to answer that question would be to ask yourself: how will I feel if what I’m (or someone else) expecting doesn’t go according to plan? What impact will it have?
Our lives run like machines. Day in, day out we operate pretty much the same way, unless we stand back and take notice. When we are disturbed by something, most likely an unmet expectation is at work. It is not necessary to do an entire makeover of our lives or even how we experience the stress of holidays. Like other personal development suggestions, the smallest shifts can make the biggest differences. Take small steps to greater awareness.
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One Response
Great Post….. Reminds me of what I had heard on a cd from Louise Hayes. Take the should out of your vocabulary (meaning expectations) and replace with could. When we say could gives us more of a choice not an expectation. I often have to remind myself of this but your post has done so! Happy Stress-free Holidays filled with Love to all!